There One Minute, Saigon the Next

We got lost in Saigon today. I imagine it would feel the same if you were on Mars, looking for the kebab shop, made a wrong turn at Olympus Mons and ended up in Naboo; neither where you started from, nor where you ended up at looks alike, and both are completely alien to you. The problem is, the second you pull out a map you get harassed by cyclo drivers, moto taxi drivers, touts and hawkers. It is their job, 7 days a week, to spot dumb tourists from 100 meters away looking at maps and they can hear the sound of your mispronunciation of “Nguyen Thi Minh Khai” from even further. We were looking for the War Remnants Museum. I nearly bought that GPS before we left, too. But there’s no point crying over spilt yak milk.

I took a deep breath, looked for the closest café/moto-repair/family-home/deli/watch/DVD store (only in Vietnam) and sat down with Shorty in the most tucked in corner I could find out of ear and eye shot of any over-helpers, then pulled out the map and ordered two Vietnamese coffees. As the familiar palpitations and throbbing behind my eyeballs began, I had nailed it. I had successfully located the museum, had pinpointed our location on the map, and was oriented perfectly with our bearings while tucked in the midget chair in the café+. It was across the road. The large building that said “War Remnants Museum”. The one with the huey helicopter blades visible over the boundary wall that I had been staring at while trying to decode the mystery. The worst part about it was Shorty had suggested this before we entered the 7-11ish. Nice work Scotty.

The War Remnants Museum has, in recent years, become much more popular with tourists since it’s opening in 1975 as “The House For Displaying War Crimes Of American Imperialism And The Puppet Government Of South Vietnam”. I can see why. In 1975 I’m not sure they had the little huey helicopter jelly candy, a sure fire winner in my books. The place is quite an eye opener, and still has some anti-American aftertaste detectable, but really it’s just telling it how it is; A fruitless and pointless war that ruined more lives than each side could afford, and understandably there is still a memory of this, albeit a little bitter. On the other hand, it appears to be a bit of a money spinner as well with hundreds of mis-pronounced and misinterpreted phrases engraved into bashed-up and rusted fake GI zippos like “I love the smell of my palms in the morning” or something as ridiculous. I took this with some distaste, as I did with the souvenir store at Choeung Ek Killing Fields. I did, however, buy a compass.